infatuated.. etc.

i wish i could put how i feel into words. but there'd be millions of words. im feeling all kinds of mixed feelings. i been trying to stop going on the computer lately, but i can't resist blogging. its the only way i get to express how i feel in a way i can't even explain. well lemme start with how i'm feeling bout i.g. since we stopped talking i miss him here and there, but i know i wont ever feel the same about him anymore. we talked this one day, and we haven't really talked since. i know he still likes me and everything, but i'm pretty sure me and him wont have the same strong connection and love that we had. when i see him, something in my mind tells me i miss him, and i still like him, but i'm tryna trust my heart, cuhzz if i listen to my mind, it'll play tricks on me, and i helluh don't want that to happen. out of everything thats been happening to me in the past MONTH AND A HALF i really wanna be done with guys. because all that happens is i get hurt, and i feel like im jumping guys too much now that i don't have a boyfriend to keep me on loCc yaknoe? sometimes i think about JZ, then IG, then MR, and it just keeps repeating, i end up crying and then its all bad. i wanna tell people i'm close with, it just seems like nobody understands how i'm feeling, i only tell Ben cuhzz he's the only one that actually cares, and doesn't act like its nothing new, sometimes i wanna tell BF but, she just tells me the same thing over and over, and idk. over the weekend CJR was talking to me, and telling me he liked me and stuff. he sweet talked me into everything. i got lost in his words. it was helluh sweet, and i thought to myself that it couldn't be true, cuhzz knowing his past, he's played many girls. he asked me if i thought he was that type of guy, i said yea, and he said he wasn't. for some reason i believe him. its just the sound of his voice, or the look he gives me when he tells me something. i know i fall too hard for guys, but what do you want me to do? at one point that happens to girls, and if it doesn't, then your probably gay or something. i really need to vent and stuff. i feel a lot better right now. but i still dunno. cuhzz like, yesterday i was crying cuhzz i though CJR was playing me, but i guess he wasn't. cuhzz i heard that he liked LN, and wanted to ask her to promotion. but i got over being a little pussy about it, and asked him myself, he said no, and i could kind of tell he wasn't playing yaknoe? ahhh, i feel much better. imma cut it here. kbyee.

GHOSST.